Alright, well... this is probably gonna sound corny as fuck. But. For me it was acceptance.
[God it does sound corny when he says it out loud. Like something from those asinine self help books.
He can't go back on saying it now, though.]
When my powers broke through the seal, I was terrified of them. Any little bit of anger got me flarin' up. I barely had any control and everything they touched burned. It didn't help that all I ever heard about was Blue Night, Blue Night, Blue Night. The night Yukio and I were born, Satan went after a fuckton of exorcists and religious leaders and communities. A lotta people died, and guess who they liked to blame for it after they found out about who I really was?
[You get three guesses but you're only going to need one.]
I had to build up a lotta trust with my classmates, and it was fuckin' hard. Suguro and I fought constantly, Shiemi wouldn't even speak to me, Miwa was terrified of me... it sucked. And yeah, I feel awful some'a them lost family because of Blue Night but, c'mon, it's not like I asked to be born, right? It kinda fucked me up even more for a while, to the point where I was so afraid of my power that I couldn't even use Kurikara anymore. The sword was stuck, all because I just... didn't want to hurt anyone anymore, and felt like all I ever did was take two steps forward and ten back.
[A breath, because apparently now it's his turn to ramble.]
We all wound up workin' together to save Kyoto from the Impure King, though. That helped, but it wasn't until after that I started to realize one big issue with the whole damn situation.
Everyone called them "Satan's Flames". I was "using Satan's flames", I had "Satan's power", yadda yadda. It was never my power. To them, or to me. And that was the problem, y'know? If it wasn't my power, how was I ever gonna be able to control it? But it is my power.
[He held up his hand, pale blue flames appearing on his fingertips.]
Yeah, I'm the son of Satan. Whatever. He ain't the one doin' this. I am. These are my flames, and I control them.
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Date: 2018-06-25 10:19 am (UTC)[Because there were times when she felt like she's over it but then something would happen and she'd realize...she wasn't quite there yet.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-06-26 08:56 pm (UTC)[God it does sound corny when he says it out loud. Like something from those asinine self help books.
He can't go back on saying it now, though.]
When my powers broke through the seal, I was terrified of them. Any little bit of anger got me flarin' up. I barely had any control and everything they touched burned. It didn't help that all I ever heard about was Blue Night, Blue Night, Blue Night. The night Yukio and I were born, Satan went after a fuckton of exorcists and religious leaders and communities. A lotta people died, and guess who they liked to blame for it after they found out about who I really was?
[You get three guesses but you're only going to need one.]
I had to build up a lotta trust with my classmates, and it was fuckin' hard. Suguro and I fought constantly, Shiemi wouldn't even speak to me, Miwa was terrified of me... it sucked. And yeah, I feel awful some'a them lost family because of Blue Night but, c'mon, it's not like I asked to be born, right? It kinda fucked me up even more for a while, to the point where I was so afraid of my power that I couldn't even use Kurikara anymore. The sword was stuck, all because I just... didn't want to hurt anyone anymore, and felt like all I ever did was take two steps forward and ten back.
[A breath, because apparently now it's his turn to ramble.]
We all wound up workin' together to save Kyoto from the Impure King, though. That helped, but it wasn't until after that I started to realize one big issue with the whole damn situation.
Everyone called them "Satan's Flames". I was "using Satan's flames", I had "Satan's power", yadda yadda. It was never my power. To them, or to me. And that was the problem, y'know? If it wasn't my power, how was I ever gonna be able to control it? But it is my power.
[He held up his hand, pale blue flames appearing on his fingertips.]
Yeah, I'm the son of Satan. Whatever. He ain't the one doin' this. I am. These are my flames, and I control them.