IC Inbox | Rin Okumura

[satanslash]

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Rin Okumura ⬤ Ao no Exorcist
residential district ⬤ Level 2
moonblessing ⬤ Cordis

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[reflash]

Two years? Or three? [He can tell. He knows his brother, he knows what Rin looks like, the spread of his shoulders and the exact lines of his face. And this isn't his brother.

Rationally, he knows it is. But it isn't rational, the creeping feeling of unease curled around the base of his spine.]

[satanslash]

[Rin gets it.

It's unnerving to him as well. Different reasons, like looking at a distorted mirror of the past that kept slipping through his fingers like rough sand that bloodied his fingers every time. Like he's seeing what could have been instead of what is and being taunted for even trying to find happiness in another world.

He lets out a snort that's followed by a cough due to his tears before he's able to answer dryly.]

Almost three. I'll be nineteen soon...

[reflash]

[Nineteen.

His brother is almost nineteen now. Right. He tries to get his mind around that, but it's... There's too much. He needs to do this one step at a time. Rin is almost nineteen.

Rin has had time to think about things, to learn and grow and change in a way that Yukio doesn't know and can't understand.

Yukio nods. He heard you, Rin.]

[satanslash]

[That's... better than he expected. But also not giving him much hope that they're ever going to be--

Well.

They were never really okay, were they?

He sighs at the silence and tugs out the towel from his apron, rubbing at his face. It still hurt, there was still ache, but he didn't feel the need to keep letting tears fall more now that at least some things had been cleared.]

Yukio.

[Bring him back. Put him in the present. Rin still has things he wants to say.]

[reflash]

[He wants to leave. He doesn't want to be here, doesn't want to be having this conversation. He's out of his depth and wants to hide away from this because he's a coward, and always has been.]

You've had a lot of time to think about things, nii-san. [And Yukio hasn't.]

[satanslash]

I know.

[And he actually knows, for the first time in... far too long... what's going through his little brother's mind.]

You can leave. If you want. If you need time. I can't-- ... I don't have any way to make this better for you. For either of us. It's a fuckin' mess and I hate it, too. But I ain't gonna force you to stick around when you're already dealin' with a lot.

[Still, there's something else he needs to say before Yukio does leave, if that's what he intends to do.]

... I am sorry. About. About a lotta shit. [Even not trusting him, though to be fair 'when it counted' was the worst possible time to expect that trust]

I know I've been a shitty brother, too. We're both kinda bad at the whole sibling thing.

[Get mad if you want but it's true.]

You're still my brother, though. Okay? Like, none of what's happened changes that to me. I thought about you all the damn time. Gettin' dragged back here when I was so close to seein' you again was like a kick in the damn teeth. For what it's worth... I'm glad we're getting a chance to talk at all.

[reflash]

...

["You're still my brother". As if there was any other option.]

Nii-san, you don't get to decide if I'm your brother or not.

[satanslash]

H-hey! I know what it means to disown someone now!

[He learned things!

But he's grinning now, weirdly relieved. It's not perfect but this is still better than what he thought might happen. His tail wagged behind his back.]

The point is I love you, foureyes.

[reflash]

[You're not done yet, Rin. Yukio isn't done.]

Nii-san. Do you understand what happened right before I got here?

[satanslash]

[Damn.

Of course he's not getting out of it that easily.

Also would it kill you to let him have a moment for five seconds, Yukio.]

We were fightin'. Duh. You wouldn't have been that pissed off if we weren't. It happened after I showed up, right? I probably tried to tell you about goin' to the past but we argued and got into a full on brawl. Somethin' like that?

[reflash]

[He has to explain this. One step at a time, clear and simple, without Satan in his eye blocking him from being able to explain.]

No.

Do you understand what was happening with my eye? [The left one, the one that Satan was using to look through, to speak through. The one still stained blue.]

[satanslash]

Oh! Yeah! I remember...

[He says it slowly, obviously having to recall details from what was, to him, a long time ago now.]

Shura told me... that you were showin' signs of Satan's power. Then you told me on the bridge you weren't possessed but he was... in your eye?

[reflash]

He was. And he has been since we fought the Impure King. He can see and hear everything happening around me. Which is why I needed you to trust me, and go along with things once I figured out how to get rid of him.

But you didn't.

[satanslash]

[Rin sighed and put his hands up at his sides, half shrugging and half gesturing.]

Okay, fine, you got me there. But you. [a finger pointed at Yukio now.] You made a mistake, too. You forgot I'm a goddamn idiot. And that I can't read your mind. Also. You fuckin' shot me with real bullets!

[reflash]

I didn't forget that. [Rin is an idiot, who tries to save everyone but couldn't for one second back up and trust his brother.] I was trying to handle Satan before you interrupted.

There was no way to tell you what I was planning without him hearing it.

[satanslash]

[When you walk into an airship from a magical past door and see your brother attempting to stab his own eye out, what exactly is there to trust at that point?]

Hmph. You couldn't throw me a bone somewhere? Closed one eye and wrote down "hey dipshit, don't come after me, I got this covered"? You keep sayin' I should trust you but how can I trust literal silence? For months?

Yeah, I trust you as my brother. I trust that if I'm fallin' you're at least gonna try to grab me. I trust that if I asked you for help you'd try your best for me. But, c'mon. See it from my side for five seconds, would ya?

What I saw was someone I care about, my family givin' me all sorts of red flags I couldn't decode walkin' away from me forever. And all I had to go on were the things you were sayin' right at that moment. Just for a moment... put yourself in my shoes, at my level, and try to picture what that musta been like for me. I really was scared that I was never gonna see you again...

[reflash]

[He says it, over and over again. "I didn't trust you", in all sorts of different words. "I didn't trust you to take care of yourself", "I didn't trust you to know what you're doing", "I didn't trust you to have a plan".]

You're right. [He says, and stands. He doesn't look at Rin.]

I should go.

[satanslash]

[SIGH.

He tried.

Yukio says 'you're right' but his tone doesn't match the words, and his eyes refuse to meet his brother's anymore.

Even if he wanted to keep the conversation going, Yukio has shut down and Rin doesn't have all the time in the world anyway.

He takes out his communicator and sends Yukio an address via their last string of texts.]

Just so you know where to find me, if you wanna talk again.

[He didn't fully like the idea of Yukio living somewhere else without him, but he didn't want to start yet another argument. He stood after that, moving to give Yukio a quick hug before he could protest it.]

Also if you ever want lunch it's totally free for you.

[reflash]

[Rin goes for a hug, and Yukio takes a step back.

Rin has always been the sort of person that rushes headlong into things, too reckless. Yukio has to keep himself from just throwing his brother to the ground, just goes stiff and pulls away instead.]

[satanslash]

[He expected it, but it still stung. After two years he wasn't even allowed that much?

He swallowed hard against another rising lump in his throat.]

Right. ... take care.

[Barely an audible mumble. He hesitated, then turned and vanished into the back kitchen.]