[No, it really wasn't going to be. But there's a different from talking about the past and what-might-have-been's. And the latter wasn't something she had really planned to talk about.
Her smile falls a little, because, right. Of course he'd understand. It was less bright, but far more genuine.]
Minamoto said the same thing. He told us that people can become anything and go anywhere, that our powers are something that can bring other people happiness.
It can be hard sometimes...but it's a bit easier, knowing that there are people who believe in us like that.
I struggled a lot with control, too. Even after what Dad told me. Gettin' that power after fifteen years of not knowin' a damn thing about it... hell, I was scared of myself for a long time. So, I get it. Havin' people be afraid of you, even hatin' you just because. It sucks.
[He set his tea to the side and placed a hand on Karou's leg, offering her a similar smile.]
This place kinda sucks, but y'know, I'm glad I got to meet you. You're a good person, Kaoru.
Getting a new power suddenly like that is hard. [Her memories of when her powers awakened were pretty vague since she had been so little but she remembered enough to know it had not been fun by any definition of the word to suddenly find herself with a Level 7 power.] Honestly? I think I'm still scared of my powers..but I don't want to keep being scared.
[She covers his hand with hers.]
It's the same for me. There's nothing that this place can throw at me that will ever make me wish I'd never been brought here at all. Because then I wouldn't have become friends with you.
Alright, well... this is probably gonna sound corny as fuck. But. For me it was acceptance.
[God it does sound corny when he says it out loud. Like something from those asinine self help books.
He can't go back on saying it now, though.]
When my powers broke through the seal, I was terrified of them. Any little bit of anger got me flarin' up. I barely had any control and everything they touched burned. It didn't help that all I ever heard about was Blue Night, Blue Night, Blue Night. The night Yukio and I were born, Satan went after a fuckton of exorcists and religious leaders and communities. A lotta people died, and guess who they liked to blame for it after they found out about who I really was?
[You get three guesses but you're only going to need one.]
I had to build up a lotta trust with my classmates, and it was fuckin' hard. Suguro and I fought constantly, Shiemi wouldn't even speak to me, Miwa was terrified of me... it sucked. And yeah, I feel awful some'a them lost family because of Blue Night but, c'mon, it's not like I asked to be born, right? It kinda fucked me up even more for a while, to the point where I was so afraid of my power that I couldn't even use Kurikara anymore. The sword was stuck, all because I just... didn't want to hurt anyone anymore, and felt like all I ever did was take two steps forward and ten back.
[A breath, because apparently now it's his turn to ramble.]
We all wound up workin' together to save Kyoto from the Impure King, though. That helped, but it wasn't until after that I started to realize one big issue with the whole damn situation.
Everyone called them "Satan's Flames". I was "using Satan's flames", I had "Satan's power", yadda yadda. It was never my power. To them, or to me. And that was the problem, y'know? If it wasn't my power, how was I ever gonna be able to control it? But it is my power.
[He held up his hand, pale blue flames appearing on his fingertips.]
Yeah, I'm the son of Satan. Whatever. He ain't the one doin' this. I am. These are my flames, and I control them.
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(no subject)
Date: 2018-06-21 03:23 am (UTC)Her smile falls a little, because, right. Of course he'd understand. It was less bright, but far more genuine.]
Minamoto said the same thing. He told us that people can become anything and go anywhere, that our powers are something that can bring other people happiness.
It can be hard sometimes...but it's a bit easier, knowing that there are people who believe in us like that.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-06-21 06:56 pm (UTC)[He set his tea to the side and placed a hand on Karou's leg, offering her a similar smile.]
This place kinda sucks, but y'know, I'm glad I got to meet you. You're a good person, Kaoru.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-06-23 09:28 am (UTC)[She covers his hand with hers.]
It's the same for me. There's nothing that this place can throw at me that will ever make me wish I'd never been brought here at all. Because then I wouldn't have become friends with you.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-06-24 05:34 am (UTC)[Granted it's mostly mental, but he'll offer it if she wants to hear it.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-06-25 10:19 am (UTC)[Because there were times when she felt like she's over it but then something would happen and she'd realize...she wasn't quite there yet.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-06-26 08:56 pm (UTC)[God it does sound corny when he says it out loud. Like something from those asinine self help books.
He can't go back on saying it now, though.]
When my powers broke through the seal, I was terrified of them. Any little bit of anger got me flarin' up. I barely had any control and everything they touched burned. It didn't help that all I ever heard about was Blue Night, Blue Night, Blue Night. The night Yukio and I were born, Satan went after a fuckton of exorcists and religious leaders and communities. A lotta people died, and guess who they liked to blame for it after they found out about who I really was?
[You get three guesses but you're only going to need one.]
I had to build up a lotta trust with my classmates, and it was fuckin' hard. Suguro and I fought constantly, Shiemi wouldn't even speak to me, Miwa was terrified of me... it sucked. And yeah, I feel awful some'a them lost family because of Blue Night but, c'mon, it's not like I asked to be born, right? It kinda fucked me up even more for a while, to the point where I was so afraid of my power that I couldn't even use Kurikara anymore. The sword was stuck, all because I just... didn't want to hurt anyone anymore, and felt like all I ever did was take two steps forward and ten back.
[A breath, because apparently now it's his turn to ramble.]
We all wound up workin' together to save Kyoto from the Impure King, though. That helped, but it wasn't until after that I started to realize one big issue with the whole damn situation.
Everyone called them "Satan's Flames". I was "using Satan's flames", I had "Satan's power", yadda yadda. It was never my power. To them, or to me. And that was the problem, y'know? If it wasn't my power, how was I ever gonna be able to control it? But it is my power.
[He held up his hand, pale blue flames appearing on his fingertips.]
Yeah, I'm the son of Satan. Whatever. He ain't the one doin' this. I am. These are my flames, and I control them.