IC Inbox | Rin Okumura

[satanslash]

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Rin Okumura ⬤ Ao no Exorcist
residential district ⬤ Level 2
moonblessing ⬤ Cordis

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[reflash]

[Rin shoves himself away from the counter. Yukio gasps, sharp and pained because he screwed up, he did this all wrong, he doesn't know what to do or say and he ruins everything and he's ruined this, this last chance he had.

And then Rin is back, holding out a photograph that Yukio doesn't take. He doesn't want to see that. He's steeled himself against ever seeing those people again, against any more happy, easy memories.]

I know you're happy. I'm sorry I'm messing everything up. [He shouldn't be saying this, shouldn't be sitting here staring down at the table with his jaw clenched and tears starting to sting his eyes. He should be smiling, nodding, explaining that he really is glad for Rin and he'll do whatever his brother needs him to do, brushing off the comment about Rin not abandoning him.]

[satanslash]

[Rin set the picture face down on the counter carefully with a tired sigh, wrapping his arms around Yukio from the side. He feels exhausted in a way he never has before; emotionally drained, all frayed ends and too-taught threads. Even so, he refuses to abandon his brother. Not again. Never again. As long as he has the power to do so. He wasn't even so much upset with Yukio as he was with the situation that neither of them could change.

Well, Rin could... not get married, but he wasn't canceling the wedding.]

You're not messin' anythin' up. It... really would mean the world to me if you came, but if that's somethin' you can't do I'm not gonna be mad about it. I can't bring that time back, and I can't make myself fall out of love with her, but I can promise that I'm still gonna be your brother even after it's all over.

[He paused for a breath and butted-nuzzled the side of Yukio's head lightly like a cat looking to get back in their human's good graces.]

Sorry I got so pissy and as bein' an ass about it. I'm being impatient about tellin' you everythin' but we'll take it at your pace, okay?

[reflash]

[This is just how it's going to be, Cordis overwhelming Yukio as he grabs on to his brother like he's dying, as he gasps for breath and tries desperately to listen, to come up with an answer.]

I'm sorry. You should be happy and I'm just-- I am screwing it up. Don't say I'm not. I can't do this. I'm messing it all up and it's making everything worse for you when you should be happy. You don't need to apologize.

[satanslash]

Hey.

[Rin pulled back so he could grab Yukio's face between his hands, forcing his brother to actually look at him.]

You're not. I mean it. You're not screwin' anythin' up.

[reflash]

But I am! [He knows he has to stop this, to shove this down, to just smile and nod and say exactly what has to be said and stop crying like he's still a useless child.

But he doesn't.]

Don't pretend like I'm not! I should be happy for you, I shouldn't be upset about this, and I just-- [Rin's hands are on his face and Yukio tries to pull away, to turn his face so he doesn't have to look at Rin, doesn't have to see whatever disappointment and pity he knows he'll see in his brothers expression.]

I'm so pathetic. Why the hell-- [is he still like this, is he unable to just get over himself, is he still alive, is Rin even bothering with him after everything]

[satanslash]

["Why the hell".

That's... actually a good question. Rin knows now more than he used to that he never really understood Yukio and probably still doesn't, but... he can still hazard a guess.]

You're missin' like two whole years, Yukio.

[He shifted his hands down to Yukio's shoulders not wanting to keep forcing his brother to look at him if he really didn't want to.

Rin's expression was far from disappointed, though. Most of what was reading was concern and sadness.]

We've always been together, right? Even if you did go off to True Cross and I didn't like how it was supposed to go, it's not like you were that far away. I think I'd be freaked out, too, if you came to me one day two years older with memories that I couldn't understand.

[reflash]

But I-- [He rubs at his eyes, tries to wipe away tears, shakes his head.]

I should be glad for you. I shouldn't let you know I'm freaked out. It's not fair to you to have to deal with my problems after everything you've been through.

[satanslash]

Well... I won't lie to you there - it would be nice if you were glad for me. But, seriously, I'd be an even bigger asshole if I was like "no, you have to feel this way". And we all have our problems. I'm gettin' married, I'm not livin' the fairy tale perfect life.

[reflash]

[He hates this. He's pathetic.]

I'll be glad for you later. [He will. He'll have to be. Just not right now.]

[satanslash]

[Rin smiled that fangy smile of his, eyes still betraying sadness but his tail wagging anyway. He ruffled Yukio's hair, going back to the other side of the counter.]

Take your time. Anyway, I should be able to stay tonight. I let everyone know I was gonna be away for a bit.

[reflash]

[He rubs at his eyes, but there are so many tears that it just ends up being really ineffective.]

Thank you, nii-san.