IC Inbox | Rin Okumura

[satanslash]

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Rin Okumura ⬤ Ao no Exorcist
residential district ⬤ Level 2
moonblessing ⬤ Cordis

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[reflash]

Are you the doctor now? [Yukio says as he takes the water and pills from his brother, but it's fond.

No, there's never going to be a good time for a conversation about heavy things, and Yukio isn't going to bring anything up.]

[satanslash]

Hey, I learned from the best.

[His grin is large but there's a sadness in his eyes.]

... can I... talk to you about somethin'. A few somethings, actually.

[reflash]

[Rin wants to talk, and Yukio does want to listen, wants to fix things, but...]

Nii-san, you've seen how much I'm overreacting to things right now. Is this something we have to talk about now, or can it wait until I'm... feeling better. [He's already cried so much today.]

[satanslash]

I know.

[He's gone quiet again, looking at his hands, at the reminders there of the time he spent somewhere much more dangerous than Lunatia.

Yukio might overreact but frankly it's a situation that deserves it.]

I know, but I also feel like you deserve to know what happened to me...

[reflash]

[He wants to, but...]

Can we eat first? [There's no way he'll be able to focus properly when he's this hungry.]

[satanslash]

Yeah, we can eat first.

[He's pretty damn hungry, too.]

[reflash]

How does anyone afford being Cordis? [Asks Yukio, frowning a little as he waits for food.

Groceries are expensive, and he can feel his body burning through its chroma store already, which means the extra contact isn't going to his bank account.]

[satanslash]

Sex.

[What? You wanted an answer. Rin isn't gonna mince words about it.]

There's workin', too, but it doesn't get you as much.

[reflash]

Nii-san, I'm not going to go and have sex with someone here. [There are things he doesn't want to think about right now and that is absolutely one of them.]

[satanslash]

It'd help you loosen up...

[He mutters it, but quickly covers what was said with a cough, shrugging after as if he couldn't care less either way.]

Guess I'll just keep feedin' you then. Not like we haven't done that before.

[reflash]

[Rin does Yukio need to loosen up any more than he is right now?]

Your food is the best, why wouldn't you feed me?

[Yukio absolutely likes Rin's cooking more than any other possible option. He always has.]

[satanslash]

[It's not permanent. That's the problem.]

I mean, I'm kinda responsible for an entire restaurant...

[He can't help when it gets busy after all. Moons means he can plan for it, but that still means there will be times of the month when he's swamped.

He brings the reheated food over and sets a plate in front of Yukio, one in front of himself, but he doesn't dig in immediately despite being hungry.]

There's somethin' else that's takin' up my time, too...

yes this is the real tag

[reflash]

Don't you mean someone else?

I don't need to know about your sex life, nii-san.

you brought this on yourself yukio

[satanslash]

[Rin is fairly certain that Yukio is either going to kick him out, disown him, faint or just straight up leave to his room and never come out again with what he's about to say next but...

Well.

You did kinda push a button there, bro.]

I'm gettin' married.

[reflash]

[He's already done all of that in his heart, Rin. Back when you posted a heads up on the network and said "did I forget to mention that? oops" to Yukio's confusion and shock.]

I know. [He says, and takes a bite of his dinner. He doesn't look up at Rin.]

You already announced it on the network when you asked for wedding planning help.

[satanslash]

[Huff.

Okay, fair, he did act like an ass about it...]

Look, I'm sorry I was a dick over your reaction, but you're not exactly makin' me feel great about somethin' that's supposed to be happy. I can't give you the years you missed with me, but you can at least not treat my fiance like I'm just usin' her for sex. We've been together longer than we've been on this planet.

[reflash]

I told you I didn't want to talk about this right now. [He says, without looking up. Cordis is so strong he can't think straight, being politely happy for his brother is too much for him right now when he's so aware of how much he just does not like this.

He tries again. He can do this. He can pretend.]

I know you're happy. I'm sure she's very nice and it's a good thing you're getting married.

[He can't smile about this, not right now, not when he just wants to shove all the food in front of him into his mouth and then hold Rin so tightly that he never lets go.

There are years between them right now. Years that Yukio will never understand, years that weren't kind to Rin, that changed him, that brought important people into his life that Yukio has not met yet.

Rin says things like we've been together longer than we've been on this planet and Yukio feels like he's going to scream.]

I just-- [he can't say it. He can't say I'm scared or I don't want to lose you or If you want me to be happy for you why are you being mean about it?

He just wants to stop this right now, he just wants everything to be okay.]

[satanslash]

Then when.

[It never seems to be a good time for him, and Rin is running out of what little patience he usually has for Yukio's bullshit.

He doesn't want to be angry at him, though. He's tired of that. He's been tired of that. He didn't even go to the airship intending to fight his brother despite that obviously being what happened anyway.

He shoved back from the counter and for a moment it looked as though he might be still be angry enough to actually go stomping out of the apartment. And, admittedly, the thought did cross his mind for all of two seconds.

Instead he went for the bag he had brought with him - the now faded messenger he'd been carrying that night on the bridge, stained and threadbare in a few places but otherwise still intact. He opened the flap and dug in it, pushing some things around until he pulled out... a picture frame.

Rather than go back to where he'd set his food he came up at Yukio's side, handing him the frame with a certain photo inside, clean and bright as if it had been printed somewhat recently.]

I never stopped thinkin' about you, Yukio. I get it. Seein' me like this. Knowin' I 'grew up' without you there with me. You're here now, though, and yeah I love Kohaku a lot! But you're still my brother and I'm not gonna abandon you after all this time...

[reflash]

[Rin shoves himself away from the counter. Yukio gasps, sharp and pained because he screwed up, he did this all wrong, he doesn't know what to do or say and he ruins everything and he's ruined this, this last chance he had.

And then Rin is back, holding out a photograph that Yukio doesn't take. He doesn't want to see that. He's steeled himself against ever seeing those people again, against any more happy, easy memories.]

I know you're happy. I'm sorry I'm messing everything up. [He shouldn't be saying this, shouldn't be sitting here staring down at the table with his jaw clenched and tears starting to sting his eyes. He should be smiling, nodding, explaining that he really is glad for Rin and he'll do whatever his brother needs him to do, brushing off the comment about Rin not abandoning him.]

[satanslash]

[Rin set the picture face down on the counter carefully with a tired sigh, wrapping his arms around Yukio from the side. He feels exhausted in a way he never has before; emotionally drained, all frayed ends and too-taught threads. Even so, he refuses to abandon his brother. Not again. Never again. As long as he has the power to do so. He wasn't even so much upset with Yukio as he was with the situation that neither of them could change.

Well, Rin could... not get married, but he wasn't canceling the wedding.]

You're not messin' anythin' up. It... really would mean the world to me if you came, but if that's somethin' you can't do I'm not gonna be mad about it. I can't bring that time back, and I can't make myself fall out of love with her, but I can promise that I'm still gonna be your brother even after it's all over.

[He paused for a breath and butted-nuzzled the side of Yukio's head lightly like a cat looking to get back in their human's good graces.]

Sorry I got so pissy and as bein' an ass about it. I'm being impatient about tellin' you everythin' but we'll take it at your pace, okay?

[reflash]

[This is just how it's going to be, Cordis overwhelming Yukio as he grabs on to his brother like he's dying, as he gasps for breath and tries desperately to listen, to come up with an answer.]

I'm sorry. You should be happy and I'm just-- I am screwing it up. Don't say I'm not. I can't do this. I'm messing it all up and it's making everything worse for you when you should be happy. You don't need to apologize.

[satanslash]

Hey.

[Rin pulled back so he could grab Yukio's face between his hands, forcing his brother to actually look at him.]

You're not. I mean it. You're not screwin' anythin' up.

[reflash]

But I am! [He knows he has to stop this, to shove this down, to just smile and nod and say exactly what has to be said and stop crying like he's still a useless child.

But he doesn't.]

Don't pretend like I'm not! I should be happy for you, I shouldn't be upset about this, and I just-- [Rin's hands are on his face and Yukio tries to pull away, to turn his face so he doesn't have to look at Rin, doesn't have to see whatever disappointment and pity he knows he'll see in his brothers expression.]

I'm so pathetic. Why the hell-- [is he still like this, is he unable to just get over himself, is he still alive, is Rin even bothering with him after everything]

[satanslash]

["Why the hell".

That's... actually a good question. Rin knows now more than he used to that he never really understood Yukio and probably still doesn't, but... he can still hazard a guess.]

You're missin' like two whole years, Yukio.

[He shifted his hands down to Yukio's shoulders not wanting to keep forcing his brother to look at him if he really didn't want to.

Rin's expression was far from disappointed, though. Most of what was reading was concern and sadness.]

We've always been together, right? Even if you did go off to True Cross and I didn't like how it was supposed to go, it's not like you were that far away. I think I'd be freaked out, too, if you came to me one day two years older with memories that I couldn't understand.

[reflash]

But I-- [He rubs at his eyes, tries to wipe away tears, shakes his head.]

I should be glad for you. I shouldn't let you know I'm freaked out. It's not fair to you to have to deal with my problems after everything you've been through.