IC Inbox | Rin Okumura

[satanslash]

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Rin Okumura ⬤ Ao no Exorcist
residential district ⬤ Level 2
moonblessing ⬤ Cordis

info ⬤ permissions

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[satanslash]

[This isn't easy for either of them. No amount of moon influence, change in behavior or desire to be physically close.

But he knows there's not going to be a second chance at this.

More than that he knows that this won't matter when they're back, on that airship, being driven by Satan's machinations.

Still.

He can't stay quiet. It's just not in him.]

I know... that you're selfish. That you push people away. You've done it to me plenty. But I know you've also been lookin' out for me this whole time, even before I knew. I do trust that you're at least tryin' to keep me safe but... I got my own shit too, y'know? I'm stubborn and aggressive and while you're there tryin' to save me I'm there tryin' to save everyone else and it doesn't really mesh well, does it? And I'm stupid. Like, we've talked that to death, right? But it just means there's a lotta stuff I can't keep up with and that includes you, and a lotta times I really do just brute force my way through everythin' because I don't know any better.

[A pause, though unlike Yukio his breath isn't shaky yet.]

I get how that'd come off as not trustin' you, 'cause it just sorta throws whatever you're doin' out the window. But I don't-- I didn't know any better. What I did know, that I think you never realized, was just how much trouble I was in. Always. It's-- it was kinda like this constant noise in the back of my head - if you fuck up too much you're gonna die. But I also don't... know how to do anythin' but fuck up until I sorta fall on the right answer or solution or whatever. Like. I've gotten better 'cause of the shit I've been through in the past few years but of course you weren't around for any of that. I still can't plan for shit. I'unno if that's ever gonna change.

I also got a real painful crash course in just how absolutely fucked up Satan really is, so. I know. About him wantin' to use me, that is. I only just learned that though so I get why you thought I wasn't aware.

[As for the rest.

A sigh. Was he this tired earlier? It's barely evening. He feels like he could sleep for hours like this.]

I've already died but I can't really take that off the table, besides tellin' you that back home at least I am actually serious about tryin' to pass the exams. I mean, if that even still happens. But if it does I'm still gonna do my best. Because I know what'll happen if I don't. I can't fix anythin' with our friends, I think that's gotta be on you, but we could do nothin' but grunt at each other and you'd still be my brother so it's okay if we don't know what to say sometimes.

Like. I went to the past. After everythin' I said, after I tried to put a lid on it all because I was actually scared and didn't wanna admit it, I went to watch Dad and Mom grow up, all the things that happened to make us and how much people went through just so we could live and I did it so I could find you and show you what I saw! I did that for you! I don't want you to die! And... for whatever it's worth, Shiemi was never mad at you. She was scared, too. Scared for you. Like I was.

[Softly:]

Like I still am.

[reflash]

[In the middle of Rin's response, Yukio's purr starts up again. He doesn't say anything, doesn't let go of his brother, doesn't look up. He's still crying, not full-blown sobs but quieter, tears that started and just haven't stopped yet.

He listens, because Rin doesn't talk like this, Rin isn't ever this serious about feelings or relationships, and Yukio doesn't know what to do. But he listens.

I don't want you to die, says Rin, and Shiemi was never mad at you, and he says he's scared for Yukio. Yukio's grip tightens, and that purr fades out under shaking gasps. It's all too much, a swell of emotion he can't handle, can't think through.]

[satanslash]

[Shit.

There goes any composure Rin has left, too.

The sounds from Yukio, in his ears and reverberating against his chest are like a punch directly at his heart. He hugs tighter, not enough to hurt but desperate and still frightened at the thought of ever losing Yukio for good.

He doesn't have any words left after letting them all out and just presses his face into Yukio's hair as his own tears fall.]

[reflash]

[He wants right now, things he can't articulate and can't even begin to explain. This is part of it, tears he's never been allowed to shed, emotion and weakness he's never been allowed to let anyone see. But it's more, it's bigger, and Yukio doesn't know where to start.

Eventually, this latest round of sobs fades out, Yukio's breathing steadying and his grip relaxing. He's exhausted, and falling asleep.]

[satanslash]

[Rin wouldn't know where to start any more than Yukio does. His strength may be in emotional awareness but that's basically where it begins and ends, especially when it comes to his brother who has been so closed off for so many years.

Too many years.

He tries to stay awake after Yukio slips into sleep. To watch over him, watch him breathe, make sure he's not about to dive right into some awful nightmare. He might still, but eventually Rin finds himself in the same sway of exhaustion and emotional draining. It's not exactly the most comfortable or convenient position to fall asleep in but he's also not about to try moving too much.

The sun is setting by the time he rouses again, limbs tingling from awkward pressure points, stomach rumbling from Cordis hunger, head aching and a mighty need for the bathroom that couldn't be ignored.

Detangling himself from Yukio without waking him as well was difficult but managed after a few minutes, and once Rin's done his business he checks on his brother before shuffling to the kitchen to start reheating some food.]

[reflash]

[Yukio was purring again, when Rin woke up. Just a soft noise, as he slept curled up against his brother. It fades out as Rin disentangles himself, but Yukio doesn't wake up.

Or, not at first. He does eventually, because his own Cordis hunger for food and moonlacing wakes him. There's a moment when he can't quite picture out what's going on before everything comes in to focus.

He did something embarrassing. He did something so incredibly embarrassing that he doesn't want to think about it. But more than that, he really wants to hug Rin again.]

Nii-san? [He asks, still sleepy, dragging a blanket along with him out of his room because it's warm and he doesn't want to let it go.]

[satanslash]

[That purring is super cute.

Rin is also quietly glad he's not the only Okumura that does it, even if it takes Cordis for Yukio to do so.]

Hey.

[Rin looks up with a still-sleepy smile, taking a reheated dish out from the microwave.]

How you feelin'? Your head doin' okay? Probably hungry, yeah? I know I am.

[reflash]

I have a little bit of a headache. [He completely cried himself out earlier, and he's paying the price for it.]

And I am hungry, thank you nii-san.

[satanslash]

No problem.

[Rin figured he would. He's prepared for that, though!

He puts another plate in the microwave and sets the timer for it, then goes to dig in his messenger bag, the same one from that awful fateful night on the bridge but now much more worn out and going threadbare in a few places.

He's had it for a long time.]

Here. [A cold bottle of water from the fridge and a small bottle of pills are handed over. The microwave is still buzzing as it heats and Rin hesitates after giving the items.]

Um.

[Shit, is this really the time to bring it up? Is there ever going to be a good time for it?]

[reflash]

Are you the doctor now? [Yukio says as he takes the water and pills from his brother, but it's fond.

No, there's never going to be a good time for a conversation about heavy things, and Yukio isn't going to bring anything up.]

[satanslash]

Hey, I learned from the best.

[His grin is large but there's a sadness in his eyes.]

... can I... talk to you about somethin'. A few somethings, actually.

[reflash]

[Rin wants to talk, and Yukio does want to listen, wants to fix things, but...]

Nii-san, you've seen how much I'm overreacting to things right now. Is this something we have to talk about now, or can it wait until I'm... feeling better. [He's already cried so much today.]

[satanslash]

I know.

[He's gone quiet again, looking at his hands, at the reminders there of the time he spent somewhere much more dangerous than Lunatia.

Yukio might overreact but frankly it's a situation that deserves it.]

I know, but I also feel like you deserve to know what happened to me...

[reflash]

[He wants to, but...]

Can we eat first? [There's no way he'll be able to focus properly when he's this hungry.]

[satanslash]

Yeah, we can eat first.

[He's pretty damn hungry, too.]

[reflash]

How does anyone afford being Cordis? [Asks Yukio, frowning a little as he waits for food.

Groceries are expensive, and he can feel his body burning through its chroma store already, which means the extra contact isn't going to his bank account.]

[satanslash]

Sex.

[What? You wanted an answer. Rin isn't gonna mince words about it.]

There's workin', too, but it doesn't get you as much.

[reflash]

Nii-san, I'm not going to go and have sex with someone here. [There are things he doesn't want to think about right now and that is absolutely one of them.]

[satanslash]

It'd help you loosen up...

[He mutters it, but quickly covers what was said with a cough, shrugging after as if he couldn't care less either way.]

Guess I'll just keep feedin' you then. Not like we haven't done that before.

[reflash]

[Rin does Yukio need to loosen up any more than he is right now?]

Your food is the best, why wouldn't you feed me?

[Yukio absolutely likes Rin's cooking more than any other possible option. He always has.]

[satanslash]

[It's not permanent. That's the problem.]

I mean, I'm kinda responsible for an entire restaurant...

[He can't help when it gets busy after all. Moons means he can plan for it, but that still means there will be times of the month when he's swamped.

He brings the reheated food over and sets a plate in front of Yukio, one in front of himself, but he doesn't dig in immediately despite being hungry.]

There's somethin' else that's takin' up my time, too...

yes this is the real tag

[reflash]

Don't you mean someone else?

I don't need to know about your sex life, nii-san.

you brought this on yourself yukio

[satanslash]

[Rin is fairly certain that Yukio is either going to kick him out, disown him, faint or just straight up leave to his room and never come out again with what he's about to say next but...

Well.

You did kinda push a button there, bro.]

I'm gettin' married.

[reflash]

[He's already done all of that in his heart, Rin. Back when you posted a heads up on the network and said "did I forget to mention that? oops" to Yukio's confusion and shock.]

I know. [He says, and takes a bite of his dinner. He doesn't look up at Rin.]

You already announced it on the network when you asked for wedding planning help.

[satanslash]

[Huff.

Okay, fair, he did act like an ass about it...]

Look, I'm sorry I was a dick over your reaction, but you're not exactly makin' me feel great about somethin' that's supposed to be happy. I can't give you the years you missed with me, but you can at least not treat my fiance like I'm just usin' her for sex. We've been together longer than we've been on this planet.