IC Inbox | Rin Okumura

[satanslash]

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Rin Okumura ⬤ Ao no Exorcist
residential district ⬤ Level 2
moonblessing ⬤ Cordis

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[reflash]

[It's okay...

Yukio knows it isn't. He knows it isn't okay at all.

But he wants to believe it. He wants so much to believe that everything's okay. He doesn't let go, just clings more tightly, and those shaky breaths don't calm.]

[satanslash]

[Wow.

Okay.

Maybe this isn't all Cordis.

Maybe this is Cordis bringing out things that Yukio has probably stamped down on so hard for so long that it's a wonder there's anything left to come up at all.

Rin is a little surprised at that. Less that Yukio would eventually have to have that kind of thing break him anyway and more that it's happening right here and now.

But if that's what he needs...

Well, Rin wasn't planning on letting go before him.]

[reflash]

[There's damp heat against Rin's shoulder, tears Yukio doesn't even really realize he's shedding escaping him as he clings. This is too much. He doesn't know how he feels, but it's too much and he can't handle it and he absolutely cannot let go.]

[satanslash]

[Ah--

This is... fine.

This is fine.

He's not seconds from crying himself. Promise.

Rin swallows back against a rising lump in his own throat but his eyes are still starting to sting. He had wanted this for so long, for Yukio to open up, unbar the flood gates and let himself be vulnerable but Rin really wasn't prepared for how much it was actually going to hurt.

Worse still is how he knows it won't really change anything in the end. Cordis will go away until the end of the month and Yukio will be back to his usual cold, bitter self.

He didn't want to focus on those negatives, though, and Yukio did actually need him here right now.

Wasn't there a hymn Shiro liked to sing to Yukio when he was sick or upset? One they learned as little kids when Rin actually still cared about going to church.

He couldn't remember the words anymore, but the tune is there, and he can at least hum it.]

[reflash]

[It's too much. He's doing something he shouldn't, he's cracking open and splintering into thousands of pieces, and Rin's hands on his back barely hold him together. He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be clinging to Rin like this, he shouldn't be crying, he shouldn't be here like this right now.

And then there's a hum, melody familiar in a way that absolutely finishes the job of breaking Yukio apart. He collapses entirely against Rin, shaking with unrestrained sobs.]

[satanslash]

[In a way that hadn't actually been his intent, but after the second of legitimate shock at the sounds fades he realizes this is a good thing.

Of course it's going to suck for him later, when he's all cried out, tired and probably suffering from one hell of a headache, but God, when was the last time Yukio had shed any tears at all? At least in Rin's presence?

Too long.

Too long with too much bottled up and so many outlets refused or just straight up unhealthy.

It hurts his heart so much to hear such pained sounds from his brother but he also knows how badly this is needed. He kept the motions going, the soft hum despite how much his own throat was starting to tighten.

However long he needs this...]

[reflash]

[Cordis and Yukio's own desperate feelings overwhelm him, smashing walls and restraint and years of trying to be strong. He just clings, sobbing desperately, for long minutes that feel like hours. He isn't thinking, not coherently.

After a long while, those sobs fade out into gasping sniffles, and that desperate grip on his brother relaxes just enough to not be bruising.]

Sorry. [He mutters, without letting go or pulling his face away from Rin's shoulder.]

[satanslash]

Hey, it's okay...

[Despite his own tears, Rin smiled lightly and rested a hand on the back of Yukio's head. It had been awful to hear but he refused to let go as long as his brother needed that release.]

Wanna go back to bed? I can put the food away.

[reflash]

Can you-- [He catches himself before saying something really embarrassing, pulls back a little and nods, wiping at his face like that's going to do anything.]

[satanslash]

[Rin had a feeling. He wasn't going to assume, but there was feeling even before Yukio started and halted.

He ruffled Yukio's hair with that same light smile.]

Yeah. Lemmie put the food away first?

[reflash]

[There's another gasp for air, as Yukio shakes his head.]

This is bullshit.

[But all he wants is to reach out and grab Rin again.

He resists that urge, but doesn't head back to his bedroom.]

[satanslash]

That's just how it is here.

[Rin can't really offer anything more than that. He's had a whole year to get used to it. He can say 'it gets easier' all he wants but Yukio is stuck in it right now and easier was going to be a long way off still.]

I'm not gonna leave, okay?

[reflash]

I know. [But he doesn't go back to his room. Sorry, Rin, you're going to have to deal with the fact that Yukio is standing there, looking kind of miserable. His arms are crossed, and he's frowning, but it's really more like he's hugging himself and frustratedly annoyed at everything than anything really angry.]

[satanslash]

[... yeah. That tracks. He's not going to keep bringing it up. At least because everything was a takeout container it didn't take long to put it all away in the fridge.

He washes his hands quickly after and dries them off on a towel before walking up to Yukio and giving him a pat on the upper arm.]

Alright.

[reflash]

[He does not hug Rin. Not right now, as much as even that pat against his arm trips something in his brain that makes him want to grab Rin and never let go. He just nods.]

[satanslash]

C'mon.

[Don't make him drag you, Yukio.]

[reflash]

[He follows without a question, grabbing on to the back of Rin's shirt just to have some kind of contact.

The bed is right there, and as soon as they're both in the bed Yukio tugs the blankets up around them both and immediately goes right for a hug, hiding his face against Rin's chest.

He knows this is wrong, he shouldn't be acting like this, he should be able to just shove these feelings down and ignore them. But he can't. He can't, and Cordis drags up feelings he didn't even know he had and can't ignore.]

[satanslash]

[Rin knows it's strange, too, and there's still that nagging feeling, that little voice saying that he's taking advantage of something for his own benefit. That he's getting something out of this he's wanted for years and were Yukio in his right mind none of it would be happening.

But even louder is the voice that just doesn't care. That has missed any contact with his brother so badly for two plus years. That just wants a fucking moment of being normal siblings without all the baggage their lives have tied to them.

Maybe cuddling in a bed is a little much but right then Rin is willing to go with it if it keeps Yukio from breaking down all over again. Once was helpful and pulling down walls. Twice or more was probably going to leave him too raw to even function.

It's weirdly comfortable. Different than cuddling Kohaku, of course, and Yukio is kind of bony and lanky in his own way, but there was a warmth that was both different and nostalgic, like when they used to doze off on the couch together as children.

He put an arm around his brother, fiddling with his hair in a gentle manner.]

Better?

[reflash]

[He nods, holding tightly to Rin's shirt as he keeps his face hidden. It's familiar. It's familiar in a way that hurts, an ache for something that will never return. He's all cried out right now, so those tears aren't starting up again, but he's staying as close to Rin as he can.]

Is this going to happen twice a month? [He feels all wrong, scraped raw and desperate for contact.]

[satanslash]

Mm. Yes and no? Might not be this bad next time. I think this is probably the most intense I've actually seen someone be.

[He wants to laugh, because of course it would be Yukio getting the shaft on his first true moon in this place. But the sound doesn't quite make it out and he just sighs, continuing to card his fingers through Yukio's hair.]

But it does happen twice a month, yes.

[reflash]

[He laughs, a tired huff of sound against Rin's shirt.]

It's exhausting. [And as Rin's fingers brush against his hair, there's a sudden low rumble of a purr from somewhere deep in Yukio's chest for a second, before he stops, startled.]

What--

[satanslash]

[To his credit, Rin did try to not snort.

He didn't hold it back very well.]

Y-yeah, you did that. Guess we know you're a cat like me, too.

[reflash]

But I don't have cat ears!

[satanslash]

Doesn't matter!

[Sorry, Yukio. He's doing that dumb Rin grin of his.]

'course next month you could be somethin' totally different. Hasn't happened to me but others change all the time.

[reflash]

Ugh. [His face is going back to Rin's chest again. Nope, not letting Rin see how red he's turning at how embarrassing this is.]